elephant jokes Archives - Elephants Never

New Year’s Submission Wishes

Andre — Sun, 30 Dec 2018 15:19:54 +0000

A tumbling wave of fireworks, popping champagne corks, and glitter approaches. Soon, 2019 will sweep in, propelling us toward future shores. So while you prepare to body surf that beast, we hope you’ll resolve to submit some work to Elephants Never. To help, we present our list of New Year’s submission wishes. Surf’s up! New Year’s Submission Wishes Hopeful flash Read More

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Submissions Wishlist

Andre — Tue, 16 Oct 2018 19:30:33 +0000

On October 19, 2018, Elephants Never turns one year old! You may commence with celebratory trumpeting. Now, we don’t mean to seem forward. But while waiting for the caterers, we’ve penned a little birthday wishlist. Behold, therefore, five kinds of submissions we’d like to receive more of in our inbox. Birthday Wishlist More elephant art Paint a pachyderm, draw a Read More

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Trees?

Andre — Thu, 20 Sep 2018 18:44:01 +0000

While you ponder how pachyderms get into trees, take some time to read Linda M. Crate‘s poem, ‘the last laugh.’ Or peruse our recent trunkated tale about how elephants never outwit. (Do you notice a theme here?) And for some history behind the green-and-white joke card above, check out our brief discussion of ‘Elephant Jokes.’ Now, without further ado, Read More

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Silly Card

Andre — Mon, 21 May 2018 14:30:08 +0000

Full disclosure, when planning to launch this website, I Googled. I fed both “elephants never” and “an elephant never” into searches. So I knew before this week that elephants never baguette had a precursor. Moreover, I made sure to have Phoebe the pachyderm baker quote this silly card from Jelly Armchair. I did not, however, realize until today that I Read More

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Resent

Andre — Thu, 12 Apr 2018 17:46:00 +0000

“Alright, I got one,” slurred Don from the head of the table, prompting eye rolls. “How do you shoot a blue elephant?” Edna’s trunk froze halfway to her mouth, salad tumbling onto the tablecloth. She looked down to see how much skin she had visible, and then immediately hated herself for doing so. “With a blue elephant gun!” chortled Don, Read More

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Let (Friends Drive Drunk)

Andre — Thu, 28 Dec 2017 12:30:50 +0000

“Alright, I give, how can you tell if there is a pachyderm in the bathtub with you?” “You can smell the peanuts on his breath!” Ethan trumpets loudly, like he’s just told the funniest joke he knows. Rick feels a little fuzzy, but maybe not drunk enough to laugh at that one. “Yeeeah, maybe keep your gig at the zoo, Read More

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5 Things Elephants Never Get

Andre — Sun, 24 Dec 2017 16:00:24 +0000

Here are 5 things elephants never get for Christmas, but always wish for anyway: Peace on earth and goodwill toward everyone Round tennis shoes An end to the ivory trade Pogo sticks Wool trunk warmers

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