“I mean, I know she loves me more than him. But I worry, you know, that he’s got too many chains on her – the kids, the house, their foundation. He will just do something to keep us apart.”
Ken sat despondent, stuck in the tight corner of a love triangle. Around the table, his friends exchanged meaningful glances and searched for ways to respond. Then Phrank thumped his heavy forelimbs, rattling the silverware. He raised his trunk to gather the group’s attention.
“Alright, look, I’m just gonna say it,” Phrank rumbled. “Ken, she will never leave him for you. And the woman will string you along on the side until you either give her an ultimatum or give up.”
Protests erupted around the table.
“Ah, Phrank, come on!”
“What? We were all thinking it, better to clear the air right?” Phrank flapped his big ears.
“Guy, you gotta have a little more subtlety than that, though.”
Ken aimed liquid eyes at the gray figure across from him.
“What are you saying Phrank?” asked Ken.
Phrank squirted water into his mouth, then replied.
“Ken, I love you, you’re great. You, however,” Phrank waved his trunk vaguely in Ken’s direction, “do not scream ‘marriage potential.'”
“Whoa, not cool, Phrank. Have some empathy, mister thick skin.”
“Seriously. I know elephants never forbear, but I thought you had better communication skills than that.”
Again, Phrank waved off the protests. Failing to silence them, he proceeded to rumble louder.
“In order to protect my friend, I need to give him the honest truth. Ken, you have a smokin’ bod, a winning smile, great loyalty, and diddly-squat as far as long-term prospects.”
The table erupted, humans screeching like monkeys at the pachyderm in their midst.
“Holy crap! Mort, would you get him outta him?”
“Sheesh, give a pachyderm two magnums of wine and it goes to his head.”
“I’m just sayin’!” Phrank bellowed.
“Out, Phrank. Like a bull in a china shop.”
“What? Did you make a pachyderm joke?” The six-ton male turned back angrily.
“No, no,” reassured Mort, “that one’s about cows.”