Grandma

By Allison Zdunczyk

Click play below to hear Allison read ‘Grandma’ aloud.

I used to regret mom taking me to visit you.
I used to regret going to the movies and you falling asleep during the preview.
I used to regret the time away from my friends and weekends “wasted.”
And I used to regret you making me eat gefilte fish and how bad it tasted.

I used to regret having to come home straight after work.
I used to regret having to clean up after you and doing all of the housework.
I used to regret not being able to stay out all night.
And I used to regret having to repeat the same conversations night after night!

But then you fell, and suddenly all I wanted to do was visit you.
All I wanted to do was to see your big hair come into view.
All I wanted to do was to be your friend and have a weekend together.
And all I wanted to do was to see your red jacket and smell its leather.

All I wanted to do was to go to our Italian place,
wrap you in my arms in a tight embrace,
and tell you how much I love you to your face.

And we were lucky, it was just a few broken bones.
But no one was there to hear your groans,
no one was there to her your moans,
no one was there…
I wasn’t there.

And everything changed out of the blue.
This was not something we could just breeze through,
all I could think was “what did I do”?

I left you alone that night because I wanted to see my friend,
now it’s something I can barely comprehend.
The fact that you’re still with us is truly a godsend.

But eventually… I have to forgive myself.
I mean, you’re ninety-seven yourself.

Even though you are fragile,
and your mind is no longer so agile,
I will never regret my years living with you.
And all of the good times that we’ve gone through,
and when coming home meant that I got to spend time with you.

So… we still have time, and in the meantime
I will not regret or forget another minute with you.

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This is Allison Zdunczyk’s first published poem. She has always had a passion for poetry, art and film. She is a multimedia editor and documentary filmmaker. Allison hopes to pursue poetry on a larger scale and is looking forward to what this new endeavor will bring.