Happy New Year’s Eve! It’s the biggest party of the year, and we don’t have to go to work on Monday, so, rock star.
Tell the Old Year Bye
Now, I don’t know how you felt about 2017. I liked it. This year, I got a new job and started a website (which 3 people actually read, thanks!), so me and 2017 are good. But maybe you hated this year the same way that some of us hated 2016. Either way, tonight is a chance to go a little nuts and say goodbye, hello.
NYE Pachyderm Protocols
Don’t go too nuts, though. And to help, here are some pachyderm safety tips:
- Elephants never let friends drive drunk.
Call Uber, Lyft, an old-school taxi, or Designated Dave. Pick a pachyderm to stay sober, or stop long enough before leaving to sober up (hint: not 10 minutes before). Take keys if you’re hosting. Make the couch a crash zone. Just make sure everyone goes home alive.
Designated Dave from Drive Me Crazy - Elephants never drink from unattended glasses.
If you set your glass down and walk away, it should be dead to you. If a trusted (repeat, trusted, like knows-all-your-secrets trusted) friend is watching it, maybe you can sip when you return. But predators love crowds, confusion, and crazy parties. Don’t let yourself become prey.
- Elephants never catch pneumonia.
Okay, this is a particularly uncommon pachyderm proverb. And it mostly applies to those attempting to watch the ball drop in Times Square, or attending a similar public spectacle. Layer up. January in Manhattan at night gets friggin’ cold. Drinks make you feel warm, but bundle up if you’re going to be out for any length of time. You can “Yes, Mom” me if you like.
- Elephants never let friends stay for the fight. (Even if they started it.)
You know how it goes: Someone bumps into their ex with that new asshole they’re dating. Or someone yells “Woo!” and tosses a cosmo in the wrong passerby’s face. Or someone just decides to keep it real. And shit goes down. Drag your friends out, especially if they started the shenanigans. Find another party. Better yet, find a 24-hour diner and get you some pancakes. Nobody gets arrested or knocked out over pancakes.
That’s it! Be safe, be you, and we’ll try again in 2018.