by Lamar Neal
Last night, I had a dream that my mother died
And I woke in a cold sweat awaiting her voice.
As I awaited for her to answer my calls, I cried
Unsure how I would live if God made his choice.
In that moment, life itself became surreal
And every fairy tale proved itself as fake.
Though speechless, I found the words to curse the angels
Who come in joy but leave destruction in their wake.
I wept for my sisters as if I wasn’t their brother
Because their mother could no longer nurture them.
If they lost her, would they have another
Who would love unconditionally and protect against sin?
Who would walk them down that aisle
When the time comes?
I sure as hell do not deserve the right.
My phone rang but it was only my father
And his suffering never seemed so legitimate.
Each wail served as a painful reminder
That even the liveliness of smiles will become inanimate.
This morning, you called and I smiled
Happy I left the nightmare I was living in.
But maybe my mind is broken
Because now all I see and think of are coffins
Lamar Neal is a poet and author, whose work has been described as “imaginative, mysterious, emotional, and passionate.” His poetry collections and novel are available through Amazon, including his latest, We All Need Therapy. To read more of his work, check out his Instagram (Username: Theghostcharades).
(And don’t miss Lamar’s poem I Just Wanted to Feel Normal. – Elephants Never)