“What?” trumpeted Phoebe. “You want to offer baguettes? Elephants never baguette.” “Look Phoebe, it’s nothing personal,” said Bradley. “I just think we could use a little more variety, that’s all.” “Variety? We offer four kinds of naan, three styles of dosa, Greek pitas, and even some flour tortillas for the burrito lovers.” “Okay, fine,” replied Bradley, “but where’s the crusty Read More
Tag: elephants never
Omit
A crash of ceramic on tile silences a giggling classroom. Quickly, a slurry of voices rushes in to fill the quiet. “DeAndre, you broke the mug!” “Nuh-uh, Pierre threw it bad!” “I told you I can’t throw well with my trunk.” “Can we fix it?” “Uh, no. Guys, what do we do?” “Quick, hide it.” “No way, you know Ms. Boudreau Read More
Elephants Never Vet, Trump
Sometimes to their detriment, elephants never vet. A lack of vetting (among other things) famously caused some stray pachyderms to endorse Trump. In addition, such neglect of source-checking leads to a proliferation of fake news and hasty opinions. While we prize rapid reactions and quick-takes on social media, we must remember to properly source our information. Otherwise, we will end Read More
Sometimes to their detriment, elephants never vet. A lack of vetting (among other things) famously caused some stray pachyderms to endorse Trump. In addition, such neglect of source-checking leads to a proliferation of fake news and hasty opinions. While we prize rapid reactions and quick-takes on social media, we must remember to properly source our information. Otherwise, we will end up wasting valuable resources on retractions.
Vet
“What? A retraction?” “Yes, ma’am, we need to publish a retraction for the Democrats Collude with Korea piece.” “Eddie, I sincerely hope you’re joking. That article just topped our ‘Most Read’ list for the week!” “Well, it has, uh, come to my attention that the facts of the article may, um, lack a basis in reality.” “‘Dear Mr. Lephant… rumor-mongering Read More
Top 5 Gun Duels
You know the setting: high noon, a dusty street in America’s wild west, two men facing each other across an empty downtown. While tumbleweeds rustle past, the men draw pistols and fire, quicker than lightning. When the smoke clears, onlookers declare the victor the fastest draw in the west. They declare the loser simply dead. So go the classic gun Read More
Bet
The dusty street has gone quiet, but Phaneuf knows the fight isn’t over. Only five bodies litter the sidewalk boards, the street, and the saloon’s balcony. Five bodies, when she knows that six outlaws make up Cleef’s band. There’s one more gunslinger. Glancing around, Phaneuf sees no one else and decides it’s safe to reload. She flips her gun open and Read More
Sustainability
Elephants never admit, but I confess the picture above oversimplifies things. In fact, I don’t know what kind of factory that is. I grabbed it from a stock photo. Moreover, water vapor could make up the bulk of the smoke. None of those points, however, invalidate the need for sustainability. Earth Day may have passed, but we can continue our Read More
Half Birthday
Pardon the interruption, but we would like to take a moment to celebrate. Today Elephants Never celebrates our half birthday. Thank you to everyone who has read our Trunkated Tales and B-Sides. And welcome if you’ve discovered us for the first time. To celebrate six months online, we offer six pachyderm proverbs that illustrate our plans and thoughts for the Read More
Emit
Wesley had to hand it to them. They had really built an impressive factory. Leed-certified, ESG-driven, the building even blended into the surrounding landscape in a way that Frank Lloyd Wright would have envied. It should not have surprised him, though. After all, the paper-maker created products using 100% natural, recycled materials. Everywhere Wesley looked, he saw the local workers smiling Read More
Blue Paint
Elephants never resent, even when someone gets a little crazy with the blue paint. After all, the world yearns for more blue elephant stories.