by Mileva Anastasiadou
Controversial topics, previously imprisoned, have escaped the history closet and threaten to ruin social and family gatherings. Rumors go the escape has been enabled by recent riots that have been going on around the globe, in regions previously considered part of the civilized world, which in turn have been fueled by events which have been destabilizing predetermined and broadly accepted ethics.
“We’re entering a vicious circle,” scientists warn, urging citizens to take measures and protect themselves against dangerous words and ideas that might reach their brains and infect them with doubt and uncertainty. Many people have tried helmets and armors which have proved useless in this case, since they are permeable to ideas. These ideas may cause hopefulness to certain individuals, or desperation to others, two equally dangerous conditions, with uncertain prognosis.
“Life went on as usual, until controversies invaded our home,” says one of the first documented victims who wishes to remain anonymous. Victim claims her mom turned left, blaming the oppressors, while dad went right-winger, blaming the oppressed. “We used to be a happy family, we used to agree on most important things,” says sad daughter, bursting into tears. “Truth be told, we never talked about important topics. We took things for granted.”
Doctors report extreme, yet still rare cases of patients storming out of houses in underwear, or other inappropriate outfits, singing the lyrics of old rebellious songs, like “It’s the end of the world as we know it” by REM, urging passers-by to riots and revolts, claiming they’re fine. When restrained and medicated, patients admit to ignorance as to what initially caused their condition. Some of them are now fully recovered, yet some cases unfortunately never restore their previously established cognitive functions.
You can’t know if one of those controversies has invaded your home. Yet sooner or later you’ll find out, because it’s like a huge elephant invaded your house. Elephants never go unnoticed for long. As the police are yet unable to trace them and confine them, suspicions are now focused on regular homes, previously unaffected by controversies. They may be hiding in you own closet, awaiting the right moment to make an appearance.
“We can’t search all houses,” police chief confessed apologetically on the news, “yet if the phenomenon gets out of control, we certainly will.” He reassuringly added that order will soon be restored.
When asked who might be responsible for the escape, officer shrugged. He said divisive issues should be avoided at all costs, except when necessary to cause tension, if needed. When imposed, they serve a purpose and they are not dangerous. He didn’t reveal if that’s the case this time though. “We can never tell,” he said and required to answer no further questions.
Scientists advise sticking to the usual safe and expected discussion topics when faced with social or family gatherings, however uncomfortable or awkward they may sound. Small talk should be encouraged. If one of the family insists on talking about a controversial topic, the correct way of dealing with it includes isolation and increased food intake, until the person conforms to societal norms. Or give them gossip, which will help divert discussion from unwanted territories. Most people will fall for this. Tell them about your partner, tell them you’re getting married, or that you’re expecting. Your real or imaginary partner/baby will keep them distracted. If this doesn’t work, try tragic stories. Tragic stories attract pity and most importantly attention.
Always remember to wipe all controversy leftovers away from the house, once the gathering is finished. Beware! This is highly infectious material. Watch the news or reality shows, should you fear you might be infected. Commercials will also do the trick. Consume as much as you can, or as much as you can afford. Consuming keeps you grounded. If you cannot consume, work harder, so that you may consume later. In the rare case you somehow feel excluded from the ability to consume, either by circumstances or – alas! – by choice, run to the nearest police station and ask for help. Don’t think about health insurance and expenses. Appropriate medication, concerning such serious matters, is provided for all.
Mileva Anastasiadou is a neurologist. Her work can be found in many journals, such as the Molotov Cocktail, Jellyfish Review, Asymmetry fiction, the Sunlight Press, Ghost Parachute, Gone Lawn, Ellipsis Zine, Queen Mob’s Tea House and others. Find her online at:
https://www.facebook.com/milevaanastasiadou/
Twitter: @happymil_
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