The engines powered up with a tusk-rattling THRUM, and Erskine grinned, despite himself. The sound was music to his big ears. He heard no whine of whistling air, no rising pitch as massive fans got up to speed. Instead, Erskine’s antigrav thrusters gave off a solid, sci-fi hum that vibrated the whole craft and sounded like power. Cycling through his Read More
Author: Andre
Silly Card
Full disclosure, when planning to launch this website, I Googled. I fed both “elephants never” and “an elephant never” into searches. So I knew before this week that elephants never baguette had a precursor. Moreover, I made sure to have Phoebe the pachyderm baker quote this silly card from Jelly Armchair. I did not, however, realize until today that I Read More
Baguette
“What?” trumpeted Phoebe. “You want to offer baguettes? Elephants never baguette.” “Look Phoebe, it’s nothing personal,” said Bradley. “I just think we could use a little more variety, that’s all.” “Variety? We offer four kinds of naan, three styles of dosa, Greek pitas, and even some flour tortillas for the burrito lovers.” “Okay, fine,” replied Bradley, “but where’s the crusty Read More
Happy Mother’s Day
Today I feel blessed to celebrate the four matriarchs in my life: my mother, my grandmother, my mother-in-law, and my wife. These women support and empower me. And I owe so much of my happiness to them. On Mother’s Day, please take time to honor the matriarchs in your own life, regardless of their actual relationship to you. Calling someone Read More
Omit
A crash of ceramic on tile silences a giggling classroom. Quickly, a slurry of voices rushes in to fill the quiet. “DeAndre, you broke the mug!” “Nuh-uh, Pierre threw it bad!” “I told you I can’t throw well with my trunk.” “Can we fix it?” “Uh, no. Guys, what do we do?” “Quick, hide it.” “No way, you know Ms. Boudreau Read More
Elephants Never Vet, Trump
Sometimes to their detriment, elephants never vet. A lack of vetting (among other things) famously caused some stray pachyderms to endorse Trump. In addition, such neglect of source-checking leads to a proliferation of fake news and hasty opinions. While we prize rapid reactions and quick-takes on social media, we must remember to properly source our information. Otherwise, we will end Read More
Sometimes to their detriment, elephants never vet. A lack of vetting (among other things) famously caused some stray pachyderms to endorse Trump. In addition, such neglect of source-checking leads to a proliferation of fake news and hasty opinions. While we prize rapid reactions and quick-takes on social media, we must remember to properly source our information. Otherwise, we will end up wasting valuable resources on retractions.
Vet
“What? A retraction?” “Yes, ma’am, we need to publish a retraction for the Democrats Collude with Korea piece.” “Eddie, I sincerely hope you’re joking. That article just topped our ‘Most Read’ list for the week!” “Well, it has, uh, come to my attention that the facts of the article may, um, lack a basis in reality.” “‘Dear Mr. Lephant… rumor-mongering Read More
Top 5 Gun Duels
You know the setting: high noon, a dusty street in America’s wild west, two men facing each other across an empty downtown. While tumbleweeds rustle past, the men draw pistols and fire, quicker than lightning. When the smoke clears, onlookers declare the victor the fastest draw in the west. They declare the loser simply dead. So go the classic gun Read More
Bet
The dusty street has gone quiet, but Phaneuf knows the fight isn’t over. Only five bodies litter the sidewalk boards, the street, and the saloon’s balcony. Five bodies, when she knows that six outlaws make up Cleef’s band. There’s one more gunslinger. Glancing around, Phaneuf sees no one else and decides it’s safe to reload. She flips her gun open and Read More
Sustainability
Elephants never admit, but I confess the picture above oversimplifies things. In fact, I don’t know what kind of factory that is. I grabbed it from a stock photo. Moreover, water vapor could make up the bulk of the smoke. None of those points, however, invalidate the need for sustainability. Earth Day may have passed, but we can continue our Read More