by Theresa Nalini Mohabir-Pennella
While the basis of Diwali is Lord Rama returning to the lands after 14 years of exile during which he defeated the demon king, Ravana; for me it is a celebration of my culture and heritage. An acknowledgement of my forefathers.
The light of the diyas is calming. The tranquility it evokes re-centers me. It is the one festival that allows me to reflect and meditate on all the things I am thankful for. This time of year I start to reassess my goals and put into perspective the meaning of them.
Diwali is my favorite Hindu festival. It marks the time in my adolescence when I chose to consciously create the beginnings of my identity. I’m a product of the NYC Archdiocese – it is an experience that molded me into the Type A, on-time is early, workaholic that I am today. However, during Junior year of Catholic high school I started to think deeply about the two faiths I had surrounded myself with – Catholicism (day-to-day practice and teachings) and Hinduism (family and cultural rituals and beliefs). I was a practicing Hindu and a patriotic Catholic. It was easy to be both – be a good person! My spirituality did not allow me to delve further into either. I took the texts and lessons as “stories”; a means for passing along morals. My birthday celebrations were marked by Hindu religious ceremonies while I attended Thanksgiving, Christmas and Easter Mass annually. I still feel uneasy not “giving up” something for Lent.
At 15, after participating in a Diwali Cultural Celebration in my neighborhood, I found myself feeling renewed and invigorated. While I had always performed Hindu rites and rituals, it was not until I prepared to celebrate Diwali among a larger group of people that I felt connected to my heritage. After learning about Diwali, I dived into learning more about Hinduism, its history, the symbolism and seemingly sci-fi text. I started to understand the underpinnings of Hinduism and connected the lessons to the rituals I habitually performed. I also examined Catholicism more deeply, outside of what I had been taught daily from my religion schoolteachers. This process was not only eye opening but confirmed that my religious comforts lie not in text and tales, but in the comfort of feeling at peace with my thoughts, actions and feelings.
My Diwali experience at 15 awakened my spirituality and allowed me to reflect and define a crucial part of my identity. For that reason, Diwali holds a special place in my heart, as it is less about the religion and more about reflection.
Theresa Nalini Mohabir-Pennella: Recently married, confronting adult questions, adult emotions and adult choices. Reflecting on my identity while exploring and reveling in what it means to now have 4 names.