Stay tuned for additional admissions in Credit Without Controversy, about Colin Kaepernick’s Million Dollar Pledge, coming soon.
Tag: an elephant never
Admit
Phuoc stepped back and surveyed the field, taking in the neat, orderly rows of plantings. Slowly, a smile peeked out from under his trunk. It was finished. Phuoc and his father had put a lot of work into cleaning up this rocky plateau. Phuoc’s forehead felt raw from the trees he’d pushed over, and his tusks ached from prying up troublesome Read More
Hit
“No! I can’t.” The little pachyderm plopped down dramatically in front of the herd. “Yes, you can,” replied his aunt, not slowing. “We haven’t been walking for long. A big, strong pachyderm could keep going.” “I’m too hurt, I can’t stand. Look.” As his aunt passed by, the little pachyderm tossed himself onto his side, puffing dust into the air. Read More
Beget (Violence)
The evening commute on the NYC subway system requires one to maintain patience, divest oneself of personal space, and ignore a substantial amount of noise. I do none of those three things well. My huge ears pick up far too much commuter crazy. No body configuration allows me to stand comfortably without jostling humans. And I’m a city pachyderm; I Read More
Resolutions
Happy New Year from Elephants Never! I hope you’re not tired of the year after just a week. (Although the cold and much-hyped “bomb cyclone” certainly made this a tough week for many of us.) While you and your herd get busy living 2018, permit me to share my New Year’s resolutions with you. Setting Goals If you haven’t recently, Read More
Foretell
“Come on, dude, just try it,” said Geoff, pushing the transparent sphere at Pacey. The big male shoved it away. His ears flapped as he shook his head. “Nope, not happening,” Pacey said. “What? Come on,” chirped Geoff. “It’s a friggin’ crystal ball! Take it for a spin.” “Elephants never foretell,” said Pacey. “What? What is that? A family motto?” Geoff Read More
New Year’s Eve Pachyderm Protocols
Happy New Year’s Eve! It’s the biggest party of the year, and we don’t have to go to work on Monday, so, rock star. Tell the Old Year Bye Now, I don’t know how you felt about 2017. I liked it. This year, I got a new job and started a website (which 3 people actually read, thanks!), so me Read More
Let (Friends Drive Drunk)
“Alright, I give, how can you tell if there is a pachyderm in the bathtub with you?” “You can smell the peanuts on his breath!” Ethan trumpets loudly, like he’s just told the funniest joke he knows. Rick feels a little fuzzy, but maybe not drunk enough to laugh at that one. “Yeeeah, maybe keep your gig at the zoo, Read More
5 Things Elephants Never Get
Here are 5 things elephants never get for Christmas, but always wish for anyway: Peace on earth and goodwill toward everyone Round tennis shoes An end to the ivory trade Pogo sticks Wool trunk warmers
Get (Coal)
“Coal? Coal?! Elephants never get coal. Whose rear brain kicked in and made you think of giving me COAL!?!” Evelyn’s voice got louder and shriller as disbelief and indignation sank in. “What, you think Santa Claus will save your saggy butt from a whooping when I find you?!” Evelyn tossed the Christmas stocking to the floor and trumpeted, blowing off Read More