Elephants never admit when people surprise them. But even critics of Colin Kaepernick should take a moment to applaud the results of his Million Dollar Pledge. Now, I know the Kaepernick brand has generated a mix of strong opinions recently. For some good deeds, however, we ought to give credit without controversy. And giving a million dollars to charity? That’s do-gooding we Read More
Tag: elephants never
Forfeit
The hockey game was over. Like, it had been over since midway through the second period, nearly fifteen minutes of game time earlier. But there was Elphege, still throwing his weight around out front, trumpeting at his teammates to keep skating, and pissing off the other bench with way-too-hard hits for a blowout. When the ref gave him a double Read More
Elephants Never Admit, Baseball Edition
Stay tuned for additional admissions in Credit Without Controversy, about Colin Kaepernick’s Million Dollar Pledge, coming soon.
Admit
Phuoc stepped back and surveyed the field, taking in the neat, orderly rows of plantings. Slowly, a smile peeked out from under his trunk. It was finished. Phuoc and his father had put a lot of work into cleaning up this rocky plateau. Phuoc’s forehead felt raw from the trees he’d pushed over, and his tusks ached from prying up troublesome Read More
Hit
“No! I can’t.” The little pachyderm plopped down dramatically in front of the herd. “Yes, you can,” replied his aunt, not slowing. “We haven’t been walking for long. A big, strong pachyderm could keep going.” “I’m too hurt, I can’t stand. Look.” As his aunt passed by, the little pachyderm tossed himself onto his side, puffing dust into the air. Read More
Beget (Violence)
The evening commute on the NYC subway system requires one to maintain patience, divest oneself of personal space, and ignore a substantial amount of noise. I do none of those three things well. My huge ears pick up far too much commuter crazy. No body configuration allows me to stand comfortably without jostling humans. And I’m a city pachyderm; I Read More
Resolutions
Happy New Year from Elephants Never! I hope you’re not tired of the year after just a week. (Although the cold and much-hyped “bomb cyclone” certainly made this a tough week for many of us.) While you and your herd get busy living 2018, permit me to share my New Year’s resolutions with you. Setting Goals If you haven’t recently, Read More
Foretell
“Come on, dude, just try it,” said Geoff, pushing the transparent sphere at Pacey. The big male shoved it away. His ears flapped as he shook his head. “Nope, not happening,” Pacey said. “What? Come on,” chirped Geoff. “It’s a friggin’ crystal ball! Take it for a spin.” “Elephants never foretell,” said Pacey. “What? What is that? A family motto?” Geoff Read More
New Year’s Eve Pachyderm Protocols
Happy New Year’s Eve! It’s the biggest party of the year, and we don’t have to go to work on Monday, so, rock star. Tell the Old Year Bye Now, I don’t know how you felt about 2017. I liked it. This year, I got a new job and started a website (which 3 people actually read, thanks!), so me Read More
Let (Friends Drive Drunk)
“Alright, I give, how can you tell if there is a pachyderm in the bathtub with you?” “You can smell the peanuts on his breath!” Ethan trumpets loudly, like he’s just told the funniest joke he knows. Rick feels a little fuzzy, but maybe not drunk enough to laugh at that one. “Yeeeah, maybe keep your gig at the zoo, Read More