Split

Dear Wife, I feel the winds of autumn sneak beneath the door, and I know it’s time to leave. But I don’t want to go. Watching our daughter cavort in the mud the other day, my tusks started to ache – I was smiling so hard! Nearby, you chased our son as he rampaged through the park, terrifying squirrels with his Read More

Forbid

“Young lady, I cannot believe you think it’s appropriate to leave the house like that!” “Mom! Quit trumpeting in my face. Jeez, I’m a grown pachyderm.” “That’s up for debate, little Miss Bubblegum Nails.” “What? It’s alternating sage and rose. I have to do something to minimize these giant foot pads you and Dad gave me.” “Oh, now that is Read More

Silly Card

Full disclosure, when planning to launch this website, I Googled. I fed both “elephants never” and “an elephant never” into searches. So I knew before this week that elephants never baguette had a precursor. Moreover, I made sure to have Phoebe the pachyderm baker quote this silly card from Jelly Armchair. I did not, however, realize until today that I Read More

Happy Mother’s Day

Today I feel blessed to celebrate the four matriarchs in my life: my mother, my grandmother, my mother-in-law, and my wife. These women support and empower me. And I owe so much of my happiness to them. On Mother’s Day, please take time to honor the matriarchs in your own life, regardless of their actual relationship to you. Calling someone Read More

Omit

A crash of ceramic on tile silences a giggling classroom. Quickly, a slurry of voices rushes in to fill the quiet. “DeAndre, you broke the mug!” “Nuh-uh, Pierre threw it bad!” “I told you I can’t throw well with my trunk.” “Can we fix it?” “Uh, no. Guys, what do we do?” “Quick, hide it.” “No way, you know Ms. Boudreau Read More

Bet

The dusty street has gone quiet, but Phaneuf knows the fight isn’t over. Only five bodies litter the sidewalk boards, the street, and the saloon’s balcony. Five bodies, when she knows that six outlaws make up Cleef’s band. There’s one more gunslinger. Glancing around, Phaneuf sees no one else and decides it’s safe to reload. She flips her gun open and Read More

Sustainability

Elephants never admit, but I confess the picture above oversimplifies things. In fact, I don’t know what kind of factory that is. I grabbed it from a stock photo. Moreover, water vapor could make up the bulk of the smoke. None of those points, however, invalidate the need for sustainability. Earth Day may have passed, but we can continue our Read More

Resent

“Alright, I got one,” slurred Don from the head of the table, prompting eye rolls. “How do you shoot a blue elephant?” Edna’s trunk froze halfway to her mouth, salad tumbling onto the tablecloth. She looked down to see how much skin she had visible, and then immediately hated herself for doing so. “With a blue elephant gun!” chortled Don, Read More

Blue Elephant Stories

If you have not already looked up street artist WRDSMTH, then give your search engine a spin. Check out how he combines a typewriter image with inspirational text. For our purposes, however, pay attention to this quote about blue elephant stories. All we can say is, “We hear you, WRDSMTH.” So come back on Thursday, April 10th, for elephants never Read More