“Alright, I got one,” slurred Don from the head of the table, prompting eye rolls. “How do you shoot a blue elephant?” Edna’s trunk froze halfway to her mouth, salad tumbling onto the tablecloth. She looked down to see how much skin she had visible, and then immediately hated herself for doing so. “With a blue elephant gun!” chortled Don, Read More
Tag: elephants never
Wakanda Weather
We’ve heard that elephants never forecast. But checking the Wakanda weather, this pachyderm has noticed something awfully hot. Now for the entertainment report…
Forecast
“As you can see from our second quarter numbers, our growth profile has remained steady over the last two fiscal years. We’re well ahead of our competitors and compare favorably to similar businesses in other industries. We’re a solid bet, and this planned expansion will put us over the top. Phrederick, why don’t you show them the projections.” “Um, yes, Read More
Happy Easter
To all the bunnies and believers, Happy Easter from the elephants!
Daria Tessler
Feast your eyes on this pachyderm-filled dreamscape by Daria Tessler of Animalsleepstories. Silkscreened on archival paper, this artwork so amused me that I held onto it at Christmas time. It’s true that elephants never ascend, but they do enjoy the occasional boost! I met Daria herself at the Union Square Holiday Market in downtown Manhattan. After chatting about artistic drive, Read More
Format
Shani sighed and looked at the clock: 4:12 PM. Okay. Time to bear down and make the magic happen. For good measure, she made a face at Pariyat’s gray, retreating back. Then Shani opened the file that she needed to format. Flipping through the slides, she started comparing what she saw with the list of edits in Pariyat’s email. After about Read More
Rumble March
ElephantsNever.com is proud to support the March For Our Lives. Let’s make the ground rumble so they never forget.
Acquit
“Guilty on all counts,” read the forewoman, setting off a flurry of reactions and camera flashes. Alice collapsed back into her chair, too stunned to care about decorum, too cold suddenly to react in any other way. It was such bullshit. But everything had gone wrong since she’d met that white tortoise in the FedEx uniform, so Alice didn’t know Read More
Transmit
“Damn! They just took out the eastern control tower.” First officer Anders slammed his gloved hand against the bridge display. “They’re definitely coming in force then,” pronounced Captain Caldwell. “All crews to their ships, Anders, and we must alert the planet.” The first officer barely glanced up from his monitor while hurrying to relay the order. “Yes, sir,” Anders replied. “Ensign Read More
Elephants Never Sit, Cane
Don’t forget to check out the modern impact of this age-old aphorism. And whether armed with cane or not, remember our guidelines for when to offer your seat on a public subway or bus.