In our stories and histories, humans often glorify violence and struggle. We render conflicts great and small as physical confrontations with clear winners and losers. Reality, however, reveals few solutions born from violence. On Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, we should consider a different path. We should aim for righteous nonviolence, even if we fall short. Storybook Solutions Some men Read More
Category: B-Sides
Resolutions
Happy New Year from Elephants Never! I hope you’re not tired of the year after just a week. (Although the cold and much-hyped “bomb cyclone” certainly made this a tough week for many of us.) While you and your herd get busy living 2018, permit me to share my New Year’s resolutions with you. Setting Goals If you haven’t recently, Read More
New Year’s Eve Pachyderm Protocols
Happy New Year’s Eve! It’s the biggest party of the year, and we don’t have to go to work on Monday, so, rock star. Tell the Old Year Bye Now, I don’t know how you felt about 2017. I liked it. This year, I got a new job and started a website (which 3 people actually read, thanks!), so me Read More
5 Things Elephants Never Get
Here are 5 things elephants never get for Christmas, but always wish for anyway: Peace on earth and goodwill toward everyone Round tennis shoes An end to the ivory trade Pogo sticks Wool trunk warmers
Elephant Jokes
We here at Elephants Never love elephants, in case you hadn’t made that connection. And while we appreciate pachyderms’ majesty and human-like qualities, elephant jokes also make us laugh. Family Heirlooms “How can you tell if there’s an elephant in your refrigerator?” “Easy, the door won’t close.” “No, because there are footprints in the butter!” “In the butter?” “Or the Read More
Adopt an Elephant
If you enjoy pachyderms as much as we do, great opportunities abound to adopt an elephant or contribute to pachyderm preservation efforts. Elephants Never has pledged support to our namesakes, and we invite you to join us. Elephant Fun It’s all fun and games until somebody loses a spleen! – Youth Hockey Coach Elephants Never began with an impulse: “Wouldn’t Read More
Handmade Gifts
Have you finished your Christmas shopping?! I’m sorry, I couldn’t resist – like every website, TV ad, and storefront hasn’t been yelling that at you since Halloween. At least we waited until December, right? But the time has come, the elephant said, to discuss family traditions and handmade gifts. Christmas with the Fam Full disclosure: I am not going to Read More
Spit Reality
Do you remember when reality TV began? I do. First seasons of Survivor, The Bachelor, and American Idol all aired while I pretended to study for undergrad exams. My suite-mates and I watched Kelly Clarkson sing to stardom in our common room. When they decided to bring Trista Rehn back for the first season of The Bachelorette, we celebrated. Those Read More
Elephants Remember the 5th of November
Remember, remember the 5th of November… Guy Fawkes Night has arrived, and with it, an opportunity. Now, before anyone suggests blowing something up, let’s take a look at the holiday and consider fomenting rebellion with ballots, not bombs. Guy Fawkes Night Remember, remember! The fifth of November, The Gunpowder treason and plot; I know of no reason Why the Gunpowder Read More
Happy Halloween!
Elephants never flit? Meet the elebat.